By. M.G.J.
Many nights I find myself lying in my bed staring into the black somber space, emptiness fills my heart. I can feel you to my side yet I feel so alone, like a newborn child left in a basket set to drift down a wayward stream. Like there is no one in the room except for a numb motionless body. I can not bear to move. I can not sleep; can not bring myself to fade away into a world of dreams; a world where everything is at peace, where together we lay, happily, like lovers often do. Here in this world there is no sin, here I can give you everything you deserve, everything you desire. Here life is perfect. I hear the windows rattle as the copter draws closer, till it passes over head rattling the windows so hard dust fills the room sending pressure up my nose forcing me to sneeze. I’m now reminded of that musty smell of the slums, like a corpse left out to rot. It all reminds me of this sinful town; I wish I could leave this place. I wish I could close my eyes and forget.
Bright light fills the room illuminating everything in site temporarily blinding me before my eyes focus on the walls forming before my feet. The light climbing up the wall like hell fires forming the shape of the room, rising up to the heavens. My eyes fixate on that symbol. Ah, I forgot there was a cross hanging on the wall, how lovely, with all that has happened we still find the strength to reach out for intangible beliefs. Another painful reminder of how much I hate who I am, who I’ve become. I haven’t slept in days, I reek of sweat, and these damn noises don’t help. The leaky faucet dripping every minute like the tears you shed when you cry yourself to sleep. The ticking of the clock is counting down the hours till the inedible end, growing louder and LOUDER. Tick TOCK Tick TOCK. Your breath so soft and peaceful like a baby after feasting off the comfort of the bosom, the rhythm of the night fills the air, a scream heard down the street, breaks me from my state of motionlessness
I pull the sheets off my naked skin and rise from my bed. Chills now run down my spine as my bear skin is greeted by the cold night. “Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!” there it is again, that scream, so hollow. Poor soul must not have made it inside before the sun set, or perhaps a street walker, who else would be stupid enough to prowl around at night? I glance down at your resting body, your breast so plump, nipples hardened by the dead cold. How could you sleep through the night? I make my way to the bathroom. Each step I take squeaking like the rats feeding off the molding crumbs the very food from which we feed. Damn Vermin. I finally make it the bathroom. The door shuts as I walk in. Is it the draft rushing in from the broken window? I flick the light, nothing. What more should I Expect from this shit hole. The only light the reflection of the moon piercing through the window resting on my face. I stare into the mirror and see my reflection. I look just like you, your splitting image. No matter how hard I try to wash it away I can not. For I am you, you are me. I hate you. I hate you. I must stare for hours, for I can smell the morning. I can smell wet hair. I then wake to the taste of cherry lip balm, sweat, soft, wet...
Many nights I find myself lying in my bed staring into the black somber space, emptiness fills my heart. I can feel you to my side yet I feel so alone, like a newborn child left in a basket set to drift down a wayward stream. Like there is no one in the room except for a numb motionless body. I can not bear to move. I can not sleep; can not bring myself to fade away into a world of dreams; a world where everything is at peace, where together we lay, happily, like lovers often do. Here in this world there is no sin, here I can give you everything you deserve, everything you desire. Here life is perfect. I hear the windows rattle as the copter draws closer, till it passes over head rattling the windows so hard dust fills the room sending pressure up my nose forcing me to sneeze. I’m now reminded of that musty smell of the slums, like a corpse left out to rot. It all reminds me of this sinful town; I wish I could leave this place. I wish I could close my eyes and forget.
Bright light fills the room illuminating everything in site temporarily blinding me before my eyes focus on the walls forming before my feet. The light climbing up the wall like hell fires forming the shape of the room, rising up to the heavens. My eyes fixate on that symbol. Ah, I forgot there was a cross hanging on the wall, how lovely, with all that has happened we still find the strength to reach out for intangible beliefs. Another painful reminder of how much I hate who I am, who I’ve become. I haven’t slept in days, I reek of sweat, and these damn noises don’t help. The leaky faucet dripping every minute like the tears you shed when you cry yourself to sleep. The ticking of the clock is counting down the hours till the inedible end, growing louder and LOUDER. Tick TOCK Tick TOCK. Your breath so soft and peaceful like a baby after feasting off the comfort of the bosom, the rhythm of the night fills the air, a scream heard down the street, breaks me from my state of motionlessness
I pull the sheets off my naked skin and rise from my bed. Chills now run down my spine as my bear skin is greeted by the cold night. “Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!” there it is again, that scream, so hollow. Poor soul must not have made it inside before the sun set, or perhaps a street walker, who else would be stupid enough to prowl around at night? I glance down at your resting body, your breast so plump, nipples hardened by the dead cold. How could you sleep through the night? I make my way to the bathroom. Each step I take squeaking like the rats feeding off the molding crumbs the very food from which we feed. Damn Vermin. I finally make it the bathroom. The door shuts as I walk in. Is it the draft rushing in from the broken window? I flick the light, nothing. What more should I Expect from this shit hole. The only light the reflection of the moon piercing through the window resting on my face. I stare into the mirror and see my reflection. I look just like you, your splitting image. No matter how hard I try to wash it away I can not. For I am you, you are me. I hate you. I hate you. I must stare for hours, for I can smell the morning. I can smell wet hair. I then wake to the taste of cherry lip balm, sweat, soft, wet...
2 comments:
This is great, man. It's dark and compelling. It kinda reminds me somewhat of Max Payne, a little. Or it at least gives me that vibe.
Hey D boy thanks for the comment. You are the second person to Compare Sleep to Max Payne. I never played the game or seen the movie but heard it was a dark.
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